More “Smarter than a Fifth-grader”

I’ve been watching “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-grader” a fair bit. The name of the show is both incorrect and disingenuous, but I get a bit of a kick out of watching it. Plus, I do have a perverse memory for trivia, so I’m learning important new things, like how many teaspoons there are in a tablespoon (three). This may save the day, some time, if I ever run out of tablespoons and the Internet connection’s gone down.

What I find vexing are the geography questions. I’m fair at them, but… honestly, they’re fairly useless political boundaries that have shifted many times in my life. Ocean nomenclature is particularly annoying. Guys, it’s all just one big mass of water. Why so many names? Don’t get me started on the bizarre and incoherent mess they call “continents”.

The reminder of those ancient and arcane divisions of the English language they used to teach (”diagram this sentence!”) is probably helpful. I’d about forgotten what a pronoun was. I could identify them, but I didn’t know the quick rule until a little girl spoke up. “They’re the ones that have to be capitalized.” I suppose that won’t help a lot of people very much, it’s just that I can see what words are supposed to look like. I guess she can, too.

Earth science, woo! There are certain problems with some of the questions. When I was in high school, I memorized the geological ages in about five minutes, for a test. Ordovician, Devonian, Silurian, Jurassic, Triassic, Mesozoic, Cenozoic, Permian, Cambrian… well, I probably don’t recall them all, any more, or in the right order. It’s been over 25 years. The fact is, it just doesn’t matter. They’ve changed the system, since then. Even if I could remember what they were when I was a fifth-grader (and they sure weren’t teaching that stuff to us at that level), it wouldn’t match what they’re teaching the kids now. Nor is it information I’ve ever had occasion to use.

The show really is a lot like school, in that respect. A lot of the information is just useless bollocks, things that you’ll never need to know and could look up in about ten seconds if you did. Information that will become obsolete the day after tomorrow, and information that was probably obsolete yesterday. I mean, English measurements? How many cups are there in a hogshead? You’re kidding me.

I always had a weakness for tests, though. The pursuit of trivial knowledge is a cruel and pointless addiction. Oh, I don’t know, I suppose it’s good brain exercise. Might as well use that sloppy mass that holds your ears apart for something. It’s a mighty expensive piece of machinery.