Youtube recommendations…

…an automatic service that may need some tuning. Today, it offered for my review… “comedy” featuring Carrot Top.

I’d sooner walk around town in sandals, wearing socks that were fashioned of Cheez Wiz. I’d rather eat cigarette butts from a public ashtray. I’d be happier to live my days applying Chapstick to hoboes by lip-to-lip transfer, and I’m allergic to Chapstick.

Youtube, oh my Lord, what have you done?

Oh, you can’t chop your momma up in Massachusetts…

and then blame all the damage on the mice (on the mice)
No, you can’t chop your momma up in Massachusetts
That kind of thing just isn’t very nice.

–Kingston Trio, I think. Charming old song about Lizzie Borden.  Mom never quite appreciated it, probably due to that line about “Massachusetts is a far cry from New York”, which was not far from where she grew up. And, to be sure, Taxachusetts is a far cry from New York, but hey, not in that direction. I’ve somehow survived driving in Boston, and avoided losing tires in the lagoons they call potholes. I wouldn’t live in New York, but I’d bite ears off to get out of Massachusetts. Which may have been Lizzie’s motivation, who knows?

“and when all was said and done, she’d removed her mother’s bustle when she wasn’t wearing one.”

Ask Dr. Pervert

Today’s overheardinnewyork.com post asks the musical question, “But what if we got all the men in the school to jack off? Do you think it could fill the pool?”

Google says, a small inflatable pool may run around 532 gallons. Google says, one ejaculation is, on average, around 3.2 milliliters. Onlineconversion.com says, 532 gallons is about 2,013,839 milliliters. So, you’re looking at about 629,325, umm, “shooters” to fill your pool.

So, no, questioner, you’re pretty much right out of luck. Consider jell-o, instead. It’s almost certain to be easier to wash off, anyway. Or maybe you’d be satisfied to fill a small fish tank?

Ain’t science wonderful? And God bless the Internet. You know this is not information you’d want to ask of a reference librarian.

I like bananas because they have no bones

I have a bad habit, when I’m drunk and feeling mellow, of singing this song. It was a long, long ago hit, favored on occasion on the Dr. Demento show. I still have a sense that there’s something perverted about it, although the full lyrics are more goofy than kinky, alas.

The added video is horrific but, ya gotta love the whimsical instrumentation.

“I can’t stand no peaches
they are full of stones!
But I like bananas
because they have no bones.”

Heh. Do tell. I could show you a banana with a bone…

Tomorrow, perhaps, the inside story of the Cherry Song, which isn’t anywhere near as clean as they pretend for the kids.

Meanwhile, here’s a short clip of just a bit of the banana song. It’s the real deal, a gen-u-ine antique in digital form, although it’s missing most of the verses.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ZYP_xWSbI

Biting satire: Stan Freberg

Not widely known, any more, for some reason… very smart, very sharp comedy. Hit youtube. The ludicrous old vinyl platters still hold his best works. Some of it’s rather dated, and you’ll get more out of it if you have an appreciation of history– like the “good old days” when people seriously debated whether Kennedy would be a safe president, because he was Catholic. (Might take orders from the Pope, you know. No, really, people took that sort of raving seriously, back then.)

Tremendously funny stuff, and delightfully evil, and musical as well. Taste it. First one’s free.

Some of it remains all too topical. Politicians just really don’t change. Some kinds of disasters are always current.

Listen to the music and the commentary… and we’ll take a vote as to whether Stan Freberg was gay, afterwards. There are certain bits of the show that I find a bit curious, at the least.

Should say, “is gay”. He’s not dead yet. And he’s married, although that doesn’t prove anything.

religion and technology

On more than one occasion, I’ve worked with people who were very religious, as they define themselves. Fundamentalist types, who do not believe in the “theory” of evolution and, on occasion, go so far as to profess to believe in the literal truth of every word of the Bible. Not that they follow that truth, as best I can tell, or perhaps they haven’t spent much time reading the Bible. Perhaps just as well, it’s a nasty book.

The particular bit that boggles my mind and, it might just be a bit of nitpicking in the morass of garbage that seems to run these peoples’ alleged thinking processes… the thing that I find completely improbable is that these people are computer programmers. They work, every day, with the most profound results of the most intricate theories of science. They make their livings off working with the products of the very things they most severely deride and hold as untrue. Hellfire, so to speak, you can look on the Internet and find hundreds of their blogs.

The impossibility of sanity

“One toke over the line”, from the Lawrence Welk show:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye3ecDYxOkg 

File this under “W”, for “Water flowing upstream”, or “C”, for “cannot happen.”

The muses, like butterflies

…occasionally flutter overhead and, often enough, do not cause hurricanes on the other side of the world.

Perhaps I’ll have something more momentous to talk about than chicken, again, next week. On the other hand, food is good. Don’t forget to eat.

That old, surreal, bizarre cartoon, “Invader Zim”, featured a poster I’d very much like to have. It stated, “I eat food”.

Indeed.

Mental cleanser

This is still up… and it’s still a riot.

I think my commentary on it, last time around, was a bit subtle. Folks, this is not a serious flick, and there is only enough truth to it to make it funnier, and no more than that.

An introduction to Japanese cuisine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0b75cl4-qRE

Don’t take it too seriously, folks. Some of it’s just goofy– and who knew the Japanese had a sense of humor? Much of it is true but, it’s a wee bit subversive. An odd thing I ran across on my travels through the tubes.